A few weeks back, I received a friend’s dire warning (hopefully not prophetic) in a chance encounter in the McDonalds in the flatlands of Oxford, Ohio of “You’re gonna’ get yourself killed.” It was just a comment in general, and said rather matter-of-factly, in response to the adventures she had been watching unfold on my Facebook page.
Of course, neither she, nor I, knew I was soon to be contemplating “something like this,” a 173-mile loop hike through the rugged Sierra Nevada’s, one eye always furtively searching for a glimpse of, not “My True North,” but, in this case, for a glimpse of “My True Center,” the impossibly blue-blue of Lake Tahoe, anchoring the center of this massive loop.
This eerily-timed statement in no way helps me make a commitment to this venture. Not surprisingly, it makes me want to crawl under the bed, rather than head for the hills!
Fortunately, I have an approach to this kind of impossibly-sized endeavor. I call it The Virtuous Competence-Confidence-Competence Cycle. Loosely, it goes like this… you methodically, incrementally, comfortably-uncomfortable (more on this in another post) increase your competence in a targeted arena of life, say hiking. With each micro-improvement to competence comes a commensurate increase in confidence. This increase in confidence spurs additional attempts at greater levels of competence building, in a virtuous cycle of capacity building. Boundaries are nudged out consistently and continuously until you arrive at newer and higher levels of ability, what you will then experience as Your New Normal.
For now, I’ve just gotta’ be cool, poke around the edges of this thing, tell myself I’m not making any decisions yet – the alarm bell is vibrating, but it’s not going off just yet.
Unfortunately, not only am I facing my own fears, but I’m also eating and trying to soothe my hubby’s anxiety for me. It’s an ongoing fear for my more risk averse honey – he knows that if I start contemplating something, it has a high probability of going into planning mode… and from there, commitment – and if there’s commitment…. Well, then it’s happening – no more peace of mind for him!
What this means for me at this juncture, is to envision and take the first tiny steps, in such a way as to not set off his, or my, internal resistance any more than is already there.
And so, I take the first baby-step… I ask my ever-supportive, but nervous hubby, David, to do something that may just soothe the both of us …
Smarter-Not-Harder U 